rolling up my baby-catching uniform...

..after six weeks of midwifery in uganda. i feel completely ready.

this past week has been full of the same ups and downs that has shaped most of my time here. i nearly felt my brain explode out of my head as i watched midwives continue to perform acts that i deem violent, i re-centred myself with the ever-so-needed mantra of "change takes time". i celebrated some of the skills that once felt daunting and now feel second nature, i lamented some of the learning that i've still not consolidated. my pulse raced with every woman i came upon with a baby coming out of her body and nobody to help her, it returned to a gentle rhythm with every gentle birth i witnessed.

i left the hospital with some beautiful final births and some incredibly revealing discussions with midwives. i'm hopeful that some ugandan women will remember their birth experiences with some glimpse of light and i am warmed to think of the many women to come who will curl up for a comfortable rest on our new mattresses. unfortunately, i walked away from the final birth that i attended, leaving a mourning mother who was little consoled by my foreign words of sympathy. i attended her as she gave birth to a baby that was dead before birth and i can't help but think that this birth was my final experience here for a reason...

now i am preparing to try to integrate these experiences and gain some perspective through journalling, contemplation, meditation, retreat. i will leave shortly for some nearby islands and i will try to put my brain back together.

i set forward in a cloud of light, compiled of all your love and support!
gratefully...
ms. anne-marie